The Freezing Dog Savior

I woke before the alarm and the sun; I didn't want to, but I did. Where am I? At first there was just confusion and darkness and then I realized...I was freezing. I tried to pull the covers higher, but the hotel's housekeeping tucked the sheets and blanket too tight. I remembered. I am at the Yosemite View Lodge in El Portal, California. I could not pull hard enough on the covers. My fingertips ached from the cold; could this be frostbite. My brain knew better, but...jeez. How can a hotel room possibly get this cold? And how could my mother enjoy this absurd temperature? I was in pain.

"Screw this, " I whined. "I'm getting up." I closed my eyes and then slowly opened them. I read somewhere that it helped you see better in limited light. Putting the theory to the test, I gave it a shot. Blackout curtains really work. I saw absolutely nothing. I tried a second of my six senses and listened. Crammed into a double queen room with a kitchenette was my wife sleeping next to me. My daughter sharing the bed with the Ice Queen and her two dogs. I was sure I could hear every last one of them and their slumbered breath. Certain I could not get up without waking at least half the room, I laid back down and tried to see my frosty breath. It was too dark, but I'm positive I could have with a little light. After what seemed an eternity, my wife stirred.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"No, rigor mortis has commandeered my extremities."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Sometimes my humor goes unappreciated.

"I didn't hear you." The volume of her whisper rose slightly.

"I said...I'm freezing." It wasn't worth repeating myself. She was barely awake.

"Yeah, it's cold. I'll go turn up the thermostat." She sounded as if she meant it. She is awesome like that.

"No, it's okay. I'll live...maybe." This wasn't a North Face commercial and I didn't want to sacrifice my wife's health. If a mammoth can survive an Ice Age, so could I. Wait a sec, mammoths didn't make it. I'll probably die too. What kind of fire could possibly be in that woman's blood for her to enjoy the single digits of a thermometer in a tissue-thin nightgown? I considered it for a moment and decided she may be the cause of the global warming crisis. Maybe I should alert the global warming watchdogs. Curled fetally in my pre-rigor state, I tried to figure out who I should contact. I couldn't think of any, so...

"Screw it. I'm gettin' up." Survival instincts took over. I needed to save myself. Sitting up, I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Mom's poor little dog was at my feet wimpering to be saved. I dressed and took the dog for a walk. The poor dog peed little yellow ice cubes. Did I tell you it was cold. It's not often, one's gets to be a dog hero before daylight. Maybe PETA or Cesar "the Dog Whisperer" Millan should honor me with a roast.

To continue reading about the Adventures of Al, please visit his website at http://www.thetravelvalet.com/.

Al

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