I finally think I'm over the swine flu, avian flu, rotavirus, Norwalk virus, the croup, pneumonia, bronchitis, polio and the Rocky Mountain spotted fever that has plagued me since late summer. I sure hope death will come easier. I got sick the last week in August and still feel the effects. Jeez.Strange observation...even with my potpourri of misdiagnosed illnesses, I managed to get everything completed each day, but write. What sucks is...writing is the only thing I really want to do. Not sure if it's a reflection of my or our culture's priorities that are out of whack. I was raised to blame myself and not others...I will.
I recently returned from Texas. Very nice trip, but that's for another post. Weather was wicked the first 48 hrs; it was that same weather front that eventually dumped a ton of snow in the Northeast screwing up travel at the major hubs. Speaking of air travel...
US Airways has cut 50 percent of their daily flights to Las Vegas. Quite frankly, I'm glad. Their service is abhorrent!!! I would hate to mistakenly purchase tickets on another of their flights while searching for a good deal. No deal is worth their ridiculously chaotic and half-cocked service. They are under staffed and have laid off all of their young talent. Leaving behind a tenured crew of jaded, smarmy, sloth-like and arrogant JACKASSES waiting for a pension. It's awful!! Story time...
My wife and I sat at DFW on a Sunday afternoon watching some inept service attendant (referred to as the "gatekeeper" onward) try to bargain with approximately 200 passengers on a full flight to relinquish their coveted seats to the 20 or so standby passengers that were overbooked by US Airways. Seriously, how can airlines continuously get away with such practices?
What if you called up your bank and ordered 8000 British Pounds Sterling for your upcoming trip to England and upon arrival to pick up the money, the banker hands you a giant box filled with 169,352 Mexican pesos? You look at him blankly and say, "what's this?" He says, "well we really didn't have any extra pounds, so we substituted pesos. It is the same amount of money. Maybe you can change your holiday plans and vacation in Cancun." He smiles and walks away. You, on the other hand, have a pirate's chest of Mexican coins and no tickets to Cancun. Poor business practices, huh? (Maybe that's why we pay frivolous taxes. So we can keep bailing out the two industries).
Back to the story...The gatekeeper was also in charge of boarding passengers on time according to some elementary "zone system" that no one seemed to understand or cared to pay attention to. And to top it off, since US Airways charges $30 per bag, even the laziest of consumers are carrying on their luggage. Intermittently, the gatekeeper would stop with her "Let's Make a Deal" skit to inform passengers that the overhead compartments would be full by the time we boarded "Zone Three". The passengers in "Zone Three" should approach the the counter and allow their bags to be stowed below the plane with the six other bags in the cargo hold. It is only a modest fee, she reiterated. Modest Fee??? What? Who are trying to sell your tainted Kool-aid to? $30 feeds an entire African village for a month. I know this because, I saw it on TV!! It must be true.
"Zone Three" must mean all passengers in Row 4, Seats A & B because my wife and I were the only fools left when "Zone Three" was called to board. Except of course for the ten or so stand-by passengers that couldn't wheel-and-deal food vouchers and first class seats for next Thursday's flight to Boise. Idaho is sorta close to Nevada, you know. You think this crap is funny, just wait. This story is only beginning.
Now, I'm not a total idiot. I suspected where all this nonsense was headed. My geometrically FAA-compliant carry on rolling bag was gonna be an issue. It was. When I finally entered the plane, the last passenger...Remember, my wife and I were "Zone Three". You know, Row 4, Seats A & B. The overheads were full.
For future reference, Row 4, Seat C, must be in Zone One. The fine gentleman occupying this seat was one of the first to board with the baby strollers. Confusing? Don't try to figure it out. I'll tell you how he did it. He must have convinced the harried gatekeeper that his rolling carry-on, his lap-top, his overcoat hanging bag and his day (messenger) bag only equaled "one plus a personal item", AND it allowed him an opportunity to board with the mothers and infirmed because he needed additional time to get situated.
Anyway, while on the gangway just outside the plane's door, the first-class flight attendant, his real name is Mark (I don't care if he finds out I'm about to lambaste him, the story is true), is on the intercom repeatedly instructing the passengers to "face their carry-ons forward with the handles facing out". This procedure will allow for more room and quite possibly Row 4, Seats A & B will have an opportunity to a very feed a hungry African village next month instead of paying to have their luggage checked and stored below. My wife climbed into the miserable "middle seat B" next to the smartly clad gentleman with the four carry-ons. I told I would figure something out. It was the least I could do. The first thing I saw was, directly above my row in the overhead, someone not complying with Mark's pleas. I figured I could be of service and stow at least one of our two carry-ons in the process. Immediately, from behind and below I was verbally assaulted. Mark, from his perch guarding (?) the cockpit door, squealed, "Don't touch that! I put it there. It is to be left alone." I turned to him. He was giving me a look like I soiled his new rug. A "grimaced pucker" is how I would describe the look. Kinda frightening.
I'll finish the story tomorrow. Same blog time. Same blog channel.
Al, the Travel Valet
Pick of the Day(58-13-1)...Yankees
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