Five Days in Florida

A couple of friends recently visited my old stomping grounds, Florida. Before they left, we spoke of the things I would return to do if I only had five days slotted for such a great state and a friend visiting for the first time. To be honest, seeing everything Florida has to offer in a year is difficult. It got me to thinkin......

Five Days of Florida (We will tour the 1st 2 days, now)

• Day One - Fly into Tampa, rent a convertible and head for the Clearwater Beach Pier. The pier isn't its big attraction, it's the sand. Clearwater Beach has some of the grandest sand in the land. Other than a small section of beach in the Caymans, I consider this sand the best anywhere. Take just enough time to grab a black grouper sandwich from Frenchy's, a cold Kalik and a 45 minute walk on a truly amazing beach. Now, you know your in Florida and can understand why so many retire to this incredibly hurricane-infested state. Wow!! Next, head north on US 19 to Tarpon Springs. The sponge docks and bayou make for a very fun and educational experience. Greeks are everywhere. The Greeks came for the wildly lucrative sponge trade that made Tarpon Springs the world leader in the natural sponge market. As a matter of fact, for more than forty years, the Tarpon Springs sponge trade was the #1 industry in Florida over tourism and citrus. Look around you, if it weren't for the humidity, you would swear you left touristy Florida behind. Next, continue north on US 19 to Crystal River. We are gonna snorkel with the sea cow, no not Aunt Elsie, the manatee. This bests the dolphin Discovery Cove in Orlando by a mile. These gentle giants float, swim and eat in their natural environment, the clear waters of the Crystal River. This can be a life altering experience. Don't sell it short just because the area is not designed as a tourist destination. The water can be cold, but it's worth it. Find your way back to Tampa and a comfortable hotel in the Channelside area. If you are not too bushed, there's Ybor City. The Columbia Restaurant with its 1905 Salad, sangria wine, mojitos and local Cuban neighborhood nightlife. My vote would be this, but Channelside has many of the top local restaurants and bars.
  
  
• Day Two - Find your way to the intersection of US 41 and State Road 60. This the beginning 275 mile Tamiami Trail which spans from Tampa, south to Naples and east (Alligator Alley) right through the heart of the Everglades and onto Calle Ocho in old Miami. We have to do this weekend worth of entertainment in one day. So, hang on. Many parts of this journey will be littered with abject, heartbreaking poverty. In places, the poverty becomes the scenery, but isn't that part in parcel with cultural travel? First stop, Gibsonton. Strange starts here. Originally, this was the winter home to carnival workers and their beasts. Now, it's mostly an otherworld retirement commune of oddities. I'm being nice here. Some of this shit is downright creepy, even nightmare...ish. Visit Giant's Camp restaurant for some homemade biscuits and a gander. Place opened some three decades earlier by the Barnum & Bailey's Circus Giant and his wife, The Half-Girl. Get your biscuits and get out alive. We are going to a Ruskin vegetable stand for a tomato. What you say? Well, Ruskin is to tomatoes as Indian River is to Florida Oranges. Have a browse, eat a tomato and leave. Sarasota is next stop. This is a very beautiful city and enough refinement for that Grey Poupon guy. The rich carny lived here, John Ringling. Ringling's first job was as a circus clown and with the help of his brothers started the famous circus that still bears his name. His wife, Mable filled her mansion with world class, I mean "world class" which eventually became a museum. I personally favor the mansion and the harbor views over the art. But who am I to say, I prefer Gulden's over Grey Poupon any day. An hour south is Fort Myers and the Shell Factory. I don't really understand the invisible force that draws me to water nor can I comprehend my instinctive desire for shells, but at the Shell Factory one can quench these needs in the gaudiest way imaginable. This is old-fashioned Florida, pre-Disney. Pretty hilarious stuff. We pass through Naples without stopping. Plenty to do, but not enough time to enjoy it. You will pass North America's smallest post office in Ochopee; it's 7'3" wide and 8'4" deep, if you really needed to know. Next stop, Big Cypress National Preserve and the Miccosukee Indian Reservation, here you can take an airboat ride through the river of grass or watch some crazy Indian stick his face in alligator's mouth. There is also a visitor's center near Monroe Station. Last time I went by, eight or nine 12 foot alligators were waiting for some tourist to really screw up. Makes the hairs on your neck prickle. After you have had your fill of the swamp we move into old Miami with a hunger for platanos and a cigar. Yes, the Tamiami Trail ends on Calle Ocho where a good game of dominoes is more important than the Miami Dolphins entire football season. After a cuban coffee and bakery delight, it's time to hit South Beach baby. Pick one of many Art Deco masterpieces on Ocean Drive or Collins Ave for your one night stay. I've stayed in a few. To keep things eclectic, why not The Colony Hotel on Ocean. It's kinda run down, but this is the hotel in Scarface where the drug deal went bad and Tony Montana almost had a terrible chainsaw accident. The hotel has one of those old timey elevators with the cage door that is so slow you are not sure it's moving and sometimes stops between floors; something about that is fun to me. There are several places to dine al fresco on Ocean Drive and people watch. Pick one and enjoy the parade.

Hasta Manana!

Al, the Travel Valet